Many who come for the first time are nervous. This is natural, because not knowing what is about to change, disrupts our reptilian brain and a certain level of ego (there are 3 different ego levels) that has been encoded from time immemorial that ‘change is dangerous’. In cave times, it was important to behave, to move, to believe as expected, because it ensured survival. This program still works and in certain situations it is necessary. But you can direct and manage it a little more – for example by becoming more aware of your paradoxes, beliefs, behaviours, reactions and unlocking the causes that were the triggers.

What I would also like to share is that when a customer says: “I KNOW that”, I explain that just knowing is not enough – because it is at the level of the mind and therefore the real experience still stay hidden. The mind is in control so that the pain doesn’t come up, the fear doesn’t increase and the sadness doesn’t show, etc. Unfortunately, the more we deny ourselves the ability to express our feelings, the more power the repressed material takes over. Therefore, in therapy, one must give the body permission for all that is not expressed. Here, the therapist guides, through various methods, the process.

However, it is You who allows the process to happen, trusting your body and knowing that no emotion can hurt you. Emotions are signposts to help you walk the right path – the path of your life. Emotional intelligence is about being able to feel the right feelings, in the real moments. However, if past experiences are still unresolved, it can be difficult to recognise some emotions or feelings, even to the extreme of calling them by another name. Or, on the contrary, the reactions are over the top and any attempt to control them will only lead to the next “black hole”.

Since the human being is a whole, my therapist’s handwriting is made up of many methods. As a therapist, I am like a tailor who creates a therapeutic session according to your individuality, the subject and other important parameters. You never have to agree to something you are not comfortable with or ready for. Therapy is a collaborative relationship between therapist and client and never about someone being better than the other. We are all in our own lives, with our own stories and experiences. What could be better than a therapist who has experienced life and remains a human in therapy?

Of course, sometimes it is necessary to take a firm approach and not to mix different methods. That’s how it gets done. Intuition and trust, openness and honesty, guide me as a therapist.

You are welcome to psychotherapy if you want your life to be different and you are ready to work with yourself . Then email: teraapia@minad.ee and we will arrange an appointment.

The constellation helps to make the influences visible. The constellator, or therapist, has learnt to read the language of symbols with specific meanings and the group arrangements. This is a separate field studied by doctors, professors, scientists and other figures in life. The reason – it is effective and efficient. The whole process involves the human mirror neurons, which the client uses to ‘recognise’ the familiar, but which is forgotten or hidden under symbolic life events. This makes the constellation a powerful tool, because changes really do take place, both physiologically and psychologically. The constellation always takes place within the client and what is so to say in the field is an image of the client’s subconscious – transmitted or self-created.
The constellation has different formats and options. Many combine them and have added personal techniques. The classic is the family constellation but there is also the organisational constellation and the structural constellation. The constellator reads out, explains, guides and respects what is happening in the constellation work. Can stop at the right moment or refuse to work if resistance is perceived.

In the constellation, what is not wanted to be seen, is consciously / unconsciously hidden or is unpleasant, is revealed. And this is usually where the solution lies. Why else do unpleasant things continue in the lives of descendants. Free from criticism and judgement, by systemic law, everyone and everything has a right to belong and has a definite place. The aim of the work is to clarify where transfers, projections, shifts, entanglements and integrations have occurred. Then to release them and to order the system according to the laws of the system or let the system correct itself. All this is done under the watchful and trained eye and perception of the constellator.

The constellation is not just “I’ll make you represent me” and “I’ll see what you do or say” and then “make it so I can get it or get rid of it (avoiding)” etc… Rules, laws, dynamics and algorithms apply. There are established techniques for how and when to intervene, how to read coordinates and what information to include. It is a kind of art with its own rhythm and laws. If you deliberately and unknowingly move elements into a worse position, there will always be consequences. Part of the ethics of the constellation method is the agreement not to use this tool for curiosity. The family and kinship system is a harsh and fair one, and cannot be cheated or manipulated. The debt will always be repaid.
It is a group method where participants are asked to represent someone or something (metafigures, symbols) in the client’s story. Representatives have recognisable reactions, sensations, behaviours – the client confirms or recognises that this is/was indeed the case. Connections between the different elements also become visible, the representatives describe them with words, poses, gestures and the constellator follows the meanings. These links are then checked with the client. If necessary, figures are added or the representatives are asked to say specific sentences. This is already perceived by the constellator, and to a bystander they may seem strange. However, the representatives reacts by saying the sentences – bodily sensations (cold, warm, shivering), inner feelings (lighter, heavier), movements (now I can look at him), etc.

It’s a subtle and detail-rich method. It is a kind of art to see the client’s story in a systemic way and to think systemically as a therapist. And how it all relates to the client’s difficulty and life. Reality heals. It means that when the truth comes out, it gets easier. This happens because all stories and events want closure or to find their place at some point – what was, was. The past cannot be changed but it can be respected and acknowledged – without judgement. Then the bonds are weakened, for example, having come through illness to come to terms with someone’s difficult fate, or the restoration of belonging to someone who has been cast out. To give a few examples. Everyone and everything has a place and a right to belong.

When making a constellation, the therapist follows certain laws that have emerged through the study of group dynamics. For example, if a grandfather has been cast out of the family because of his “bad” deeds, one of the descendants will take his place and continue the fate of the grandfather. In this way, the descendant misses out on his or her own life, or only does so through hardship and constant struggles, illnesses, recurring patterns similar to those of the grandfather. Hence the link – similarity unites and makes visible.
Another important thing I often hear. Many people claim or fear that the dead and who knows who else will be called in during the constellation work. This is not the case. As I wrote at the beginning about birds and animals and the morphogenetic field, during such work, the work is being done with material ‘picked up’ from the information trail of what that person felt, did, experienced in their lifetime. The representative is simply like an antenna or a radio through which this information is transmitted into human language, poses and gestures, even into movements.

To see how it all looks like and how it works, it’s a good idea to join a group or a workshop. The constellation method is an experience. Theory is only necessary for those who study it to become a facilitator, research it or develop different formats. It is very effective. Simply because it works on several levels and layers at once. The results are therefore more profound. Of course, it is up to each person to decide, and in some cases it is still good to concentrate on other things before opening the big family gates. For it is a world that is exciting, but where we risk getting lost if we avoid taking responsibility for our own choices and lives.

There is a lot of foreign literature on the method, but also some Estonian books.
To find out more about the method, to get a representative’s experience or to request a personal constellation, follow the Events page: https://minad.ee/sundmused/ Main working languages are Estonian and English. A little bit in russian too.

All personal experiences and pain points, successes and beliefs from previous life experiences are brought into the relationship. These immediately collide when the partner, even if inadvertently, triggers different reaction patterns (acquired compensatory or defence mechanisms) to painful issues that are still unresolved in us.

Living in a shared space, you are in close contact with one or more family members and your nervous systems are in constant reaction. The ability to resolve conflicts, to connect and at the same time to share roles and responsibilities, is a constant work on oneself and the relationship. It leaves no room for escape. Although different defensive tactics have been learned for that too. For example, encapsulation, addictions, over-emphasis on hobbies. There is a loss of balance in the relationship and discontent and tensions are easy to arise.

Often the blame is seen in the other. Forgetting that it is only a reflection of oneself to which one reacts. The cause that provokes the reaction or the blame is mainly in the blamer. Whether it is a painful childhood experience, a transference or expectation from a partner that the partner cannot and should not respond to, or something else.

In therapy, couples are shown the difficulty. What are the reasons for one or the other party to behave or react in a certain way and to shift the focus of both partners to the real reasons. In this way, understanding develops and each can support the other or, conversely, the other is given space and time to resolve. Of course, the information that emerges must not be used against the partner, as one partner will continue to destroy the relationship and refuse to take responsibility for addressing and resolving personal issues. This certain path almost always leads to separation. Responsibility for the relationship lies with both partners. If someone is doing too much or for someone else, or no one is doing anything at all or is not involved in, for example, in parenting, then the blame is not just on one but on both. Recognising and acknowledging one’s part is painful but healing for oneself and the relationship. It is also healing for the children and all who are connected.

Courage to take the journey to recovery is always greater than courage to run away, deny your own guilt or blame others. If so, you are more likely to continue the same pattern in the relationship(s) that follow. It won’t end until you realize your part in the relationship and take responsibility for it.

To find a suitable time, please contact: teraapia@minad.ee, as it may be longer than a regular therapy session, we will find a more suitable time outside the calendar.

The session is 1,5h -2h long.
The price of the session is 100€.

During a session, different situations are recreated as authentically as possible. To do this, different tools are used to imitate or support the expression of the impulse. The therapist may take on the role of someone else to trigger and amplify the necessary manifestation. At the same time, the therapist also leads, being trained to play two roles at once if necessary. Certified and trained bodywork psychotherapists in Estonia have formed the SOMA association. There are not many of us and not all bodywork is in the realm of bodypsychotherapy, but it can be supportive. For more information and to see a list of our members, click here: https://www.kehapsuhhoteraapia.ee/

If you feel that bodypsychotherapy is right for you, email me to book an appointment: teraapia@minad.ee or use the Contact form on the website here.

The duration of a bodywork session is 1h-1,15h.

What is happening in therapy is that the child is not being given therapy. Only a safe and nurtured space is created to give the child the opportunity to express (on his/her own or with the help of the therapist) to the parent what is on the heart. The therapist meets with the child 30min – 1h before the dialogue takes place. Talks with the child and explores what the concerns are, listens, notices and agrees what can and cannot be disclosed. It is the therapist’s duty to respect parents and child equally.

The aim is to create an opportunity for the child and parent to re-establish a loving and trusting bond. To do this, they need to talk honestly about their feelings. Because children recognise a lie/secrecy, even if parent don’t express it directly.

There are a number of ingrained beliefs in society that prevent from being directly authentic, vulnerable and honest with children. This means that the child learns to hold back, to hide true feelings and causes for concern, and in doing so, abandons him- herself. All of these difficulties play out in adulthood in different relationships. For exactly the same reason, a parent is just the way he or she is – what they learnd in their childhood. Experiences with parents mould children and that child will one day be a parent, just as you are a parent today.

Listening to children and opening up to them is a greater courage than trying to be strong and hide your own concerns from the child. How to deal with the difficulties and conflicts in life (both internal and external) is something a parent teaches. And sad as it may seem, children learn mainly by observing and perceiving their parents, not so much by their parent’s words. A child recognises a lie and learns to lie to himself.

A child’s worries are a reflection of what is going on between the parents, inside of a one parent or the other. The child tries to find solutions, outputs and ways of venting as best he or she can. Unfortunately, this results in mischief at school, fights, running away from home or a resistance against parents. It’s all a child’s cry for help to notice and ask yourself as a parent: “What part of this is my responsibility?” And, of course, the responsibility is shared between both parents and never one. Not even when one parent is absent or the child is being raised alone. The child is from its mother and father and perceives everything that happens with and between them (in constellations and psychotherapy this always comes out clearly).

And even more, all parents have once been children. The reason how you react, resolve or interact with the child, also comes from somewhere. It is not the parent’s fault that it turned out this way. But is responsible for finding a solution and doing things differently. This where the parent is responsible. It is a good way to grow, to become a better verson of you and a better parent. Children are always grateful for that.

Therapeutic dialogue child-parent session lasts 1,5h-2h (including 30min-1h private conversation with the child before the dialogue). The session costs 70€. To book this therapy session, please email me at teraapia@minad.ee to find a time outside the calendar, as the length of this session is different from the time allocated for regular therapy.

The session with the parent before the need for a dialogue is identified, goes under the psychotherapy session and lasts 1h-1,15h and costs 70€. Please find a suitable time through contact form here

Before coming with the child, come as parents or by yourself. The need to involve the child may disappear if you deal with your own issues beforehand, as the child reacts to changes within or between parent(s).